My Life’s Work

Being a single mother while my heart was breaking has been one of the hardest journeys I’ve ever navigated.

I’ve traveled a lot. I’ve visited many historic landmarks, national parks, cities, states, countries, and continents. However, I’ve also missed flights, spent numerous nights in hostels or in the back of my car, or in five-star hotels. A couple of years ago, I experienced the best Easter weekend I’ve ever had – which began at 1:30 a.m. on the top of the Empire State Building and included Easter Sunday worship at St. Patrick’s Cathedral, a surprise romantic picnic in Central Park, and a Broadway play.

In spite of all of my well-documented travel adventures and my career as a teacher, my life’s work remains the same. I am a mother. Every decision I have made in the past quarter-century was made while considering my children, their well-being, and our future. I didn’t set out to be a single mother, but I did plan to be the best mother I could be – and that has never changed. I’ve made so many mistakes, but my kiddos know they are deeply loved. They know they are more important than anything or anyone else on this earth, in spite of my endless aberrations.

When I returned from my solo camping trip last summer, my youngest son (20) saw the photo of me parasailing in Mackinaw City, Michigan, and commented on our group chat, “This literally shows Mom’s spirit in one picture.” That day, David was my favorite, and I loved him the most.

Recently, my middle son (22) and I were planning a date night, and I mentioned that we wouldn’t be “home-home,” and I asked if that was okay. He said, “Mom, home is wherever you are.” That day, Michael was my favorite, and I loved him the most.

Soon after that encounter, I danced with my oldest son (25) at his wedding where he thanked me for being both Mom and Dad and comforted me as I painstakingly withheld the flood of tears while we awkwardly swayed back and forth in front of our family and friends. That day, Joshua was my favorite, and I loved him the most.

Sandwiched among the three brothers, my only daughter and I share a unique bond. At age 17, she was told, “You are just like your mother, and that is not a compliment.” As my successful, 24-year-old continues to defy all odds by completing a graduate degree, moving thousands of miles from home, and living alone while working full-time in a national organization honoring strong women, she said that the aforementioned comment (meant to hurt and demean her) was actually the catapult that pushed her to become a tenacious woman. This week, she confronted her childhood hero with a controversial issue that was emotionally arduous but necessary because of her strength, intelligence, independence, and character. That day, Sarah was my favorite, and I loved her the most.

My adult kiddos now live in four different states, but we text, call, and video chat regularly. This week, we even played a board game between states via video. Every weekday evening, a couple of us get online while one screen shares Jeopardy, and we compete to answer the questions. Mama raised smart kids, so I don’t have a chance!

My adventures as a mother these past 25 years have been more splendid than exploring the world. I look forward to round two when the grandbabies start appearing.

As we all await the end of COVID-19 and the reopening of the planet, I encourage you to embrace the four walls in which you are currently living – the folks sitting around your dining room table, those in the photo on the mantle, and the bitty ones you tuck in at night. Let’s all make this our grand adventure!